Joining Five Minute Friday again this week. I’ve made it through my first week of the Fall 2015 semester. So far, so good. Although, I will say that my house is an unmitigated disaster, so the keeping up with things at home while going back to work has been a little less than successful. I’m hoping it is a just a first week thing. I also had a sick six year old at home for a couple of days this week (running a fever with no other symptoms, so she may have just been teething again), so that definitely contributed, but it is my inability to maintain a daily routine. I realize that and need to work on it. So, there’s my confession for this week.
This week’s prompt is “alone”.
Well, a while back I definitely could have dumped a lot out on this topic. There have been times over the past few years when I have felt very alone, even in a room full of people. But, I am starting to realize that I had somewhat done that to myself (put myself into solitary confinement so-to-speak). I’ve been thinking about what is different this first week of the semester than past first weeks of the semester and I think the biggest is that I’ve actually had social engagements that I was active in not only planning but participating in. I know that sounds strange, but I went through a period where I would often relegate myself to the “wallflower” position at public events, even those I staged. I didn’t really participate. I was uncomfortable at my own party. I felt like no one really got me and I didn’t get anyone else. I felt alone. But, what I didn’t realize was I was the one in control of that.
So, last week, I hosted our regional coach’s conference here in town. We went to a tour of Sierra Nevada Brewery and dinner at the restaurant there on Friday. I felt myself falling back into that same habit of pulling back from conversation and I pushed myself to engage. On Saturday, we had the conference and I socialized at lunch and during the meeting. Then we had all the coaches to our house for a BBQ on Saturday night. Our house is small, and slightly untidy and not really what I would call made for hospitality, but we set up the backyard, had some people bring chairs to help with seating and everyone seemed to have a good time. We ate well and I enjoyed conversation and hanging out with people. I let myself be part of things. And it was good.
Tonight, I’m getting ready to head out to bunco with a group of women I’ve played with once before (some are from my church) and when I saw they needed someone instead of second-guessing whether I would “feel up to it” the Friday of the first week of classes, I jumped on it and said yes. I thought of cancelling when my DD got sick, but decided to wait it out and she’s fine today, so I’m going.
That’s time, but just to summarize what I think the point was of this – sometimes we are not really alone – we are simply not letting ourselves be WITH others. So, I’m really trying to be more aware of when I do that and to be engaged with others.
Think about joining us over at Five Minute Friday!