Five Minute Friday – Alone

Joining Five Minute Friday again this week.  I’ve made it through my first week of the Fall 2015 semester.  So far, so good.  Although, I will say that my house is an unmitigated disaster, so the keeping up with things at home while going back to work has been a little less than successful.  I’m hoping it is a just a first week thing.  I also had a sick six year old at home for a couple of days this week (running a fever with no other symptoms, so she may have just been teething again), so that definitely contributed, but it is my inability to maintain a daily routine.  I realize that and need to work on it.  So, there’s my confession for this week.

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This week’s prompt is “alone”.

Well, a while back I definitely could have dumped a lot out on this topic.  There have been times over the past few years when I have felt very alone, even in a room full of people.  But, I am starting to realize that I had somewhat done that to myself (put myself into solitary confinement so-to-speak).  I’ve been thinking about what is different this first week of the semester than past first weeks of the semester and I think the biggest is that I’ve actually had social engagements that I was active in not only planning but participating in.  I know that sounds strange, but I went through a period where I would often relegate myself to the “wallflower” position at public events, even those I staged.  I didn’t really participate.  I was uncomfortable at my own party.  I felt like no one really got me and I didn’t get anyone else.  I felt alone.  But, what I didn’t realize was I was the one in control of that.

So, last week, I hosted our regional coach’s conference here in town.  We went to a tour of Sierra Nevada Brewery and dinner at the restaurant there on Friday.  I felt myself falling back into that same habit of pulling back from conversation and I pushed myself to engage.  On Saturday, we had the conference and I socialized at lunch and during the meeting.  Then we had all the coaches to our house for a BBQ on Saturday night.  Our house is small, and slightly untidy and not really what I would call made for hospitality, but we set up the backyard, had some people bring chairs to help with seating and everyone seemed to have a good time.  We ate well and I enjoyed conversation and hanging out with people.  I let myself be part of things.  And it was good.

Tonight, I’m getting ready to head out to bunco with a group of women I’ve played with once before (some are from my church) and when I saw they needed someone instead of second-guessing whether I would “feel up to it” the Friday of the first week of classes, I jumped on it and said yes.  I thought of cancelling when my DD got sick, but decided to wait it out and she’s fine today, so I’m going.

That’s time, but just to summarize what I think the point was of this – sometimes we are not really alone – we are simply not letting ourselves be WITH others.  So, I’m really trying to be more aware of when I do that and to be engaged with others.

Think about joining us over at Five Minute Friday!