I am quickly coming to the conclusion that there really is no such thing as simple. According to the Oxford Dictionary, simple is: easily understood or done; presenting no difficulty. Not much about my life seems easily understood or done. Much about my life presents some difficulty. But, I’m not sure this is all bad. As the saying goes, nothing easy is worth pursuing.
The last few weeks have been tough. I didn’t sleep particularly well before leaving for the pre-hospital trip, getting grading done and the house cleaned up. Then there was the hospital, where I didn’t really sleep at all one night (in the CVICU), barely slept the next night and slept on and off the next couple of nights. I slept a bit better back at home, but Bean was still up every few hours complaining of pain or needing to move. My husband left for five weeks a few days after we got home and soon after I left my DD at my in-laws to go to a conference in San Diego. The first night, my MIL called me with Bean scream crying in the background, saying she was upset because she had forgotten to call me to say goodnight. That was obviously not the reason she was scream crying. She was scream crying because she wanted me THERE, with her.
My mom guilt was extremely high. I should not have left her so soon after she went through so much. I’m afraid her anxiety will come back due to this craziness. How important was this conference (well, it was pretty important because I need it to work on this year-long project I am working on)? Could I have figured out a way to bring her here (tough one…it is expensive and difficult logistically)? Should I just give up on making it all work (probably…let’s face facts)? From there, things got much better and she was fine. So, on the roller coaster of mothering, I was on the short, fun drop instead of the upside down, traveling way to fast to be comfortable part of the ride.
We’ve been home now for a little over a week and things are going pretty well. Although, she missed two days of VBS this past week with a fever, so there was a bit of panic for that. But, it must have been some 24 hour bug because it was quickly gone.
I also didn’t get one of her medications in the monthly delivery, but when I called the pharmacy they said the doctor had not sent a refill. When I called the doctor, it was a problem with pre-authorization. And it turns out, we can just buy this stuff over the counter for about the same cost as the copay (maybe cheaper if I can catch it on sale). So, we took care of that issue.
So, this is what I mean by NOTHING being simple. But, I think that gives me all the more reason to simplify whatever parts of my life I CAN simplify. So, decluttering my house (I feel like I have rid myself of VOLUMES of stuff in the past six months, but we still have VOLUMES AND VOLUMES of stuff left. What is with that?!? Decluttering my schedule and establishing routines so I don’t have to constantly think about what I should be doing next. I want to surround myself with things I love and enjoy and that make me feel peaceful and content. Then, when the inevitable complexity of life pops up, I can not only survive, but thrive.
I am quickly approaching my 48th birthday (what the heck?). I want to live up to what this blog title suggests…being more in my 40s. I have a limited time to achieve that though. A very limited time indeed.