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Stray Thoughts Sunday

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I’m back this Sunday (how is it already Sunday?!?  I only have exactly one week of Spring Break left now!!!) for some more of my Stray Thoughts.  Hope you enjoy them.  Please share your Stray Thoughts in the comments or by linking to a post of your own!

Stray Thought #1 – Loss is hard.  

This week was my mom’s birthday week.  For those of you who have not followed this blog, I lost my mom about a year and a half ago.  She was very sick for a very long time, so that made her passing a bit easier as it was a relief of sorts.  But, I still think about calling her multiple times a day.  I still think about all the things she would have loved to hear about with my daughter and how much she would have enjoyed the school play this year.  No matter how much of a relief, loss is hard.  Most of the time, I think she sees it all from her place up above and is laughing and enjoying it more from there, free from the pain and suffering and anxiety she had here on Earth.  But, it is still hard to be without that contact. Miss you and love you Mama!

Stray Thought #2 – Biopsies are hard, too.  

This week is my DD’s annual heart biopsy to check for any problems with her transplanted heart.  She used to have these on an even more frequent basis, but now (thankfully) it is only once a year.  She stresses out about it quite a bit. She doesn’t really say anything, but she gets moody and cries easily about things that would otherwise not make her cry.  She seems tired, but really she is anxious.  She doesn’t know how to tell the difference at this point.  She had a bit of a meltdown last night before bed and told me she didn’t want to do the biopsy.  It made me cry, because I would give anything to be able to say, “you know what, let’s just not do it then!”  I’m not one to let her quit things, but this thing, I would be happy to let her quit.

It isn’t horrible.  It is same-day.  We arrive early in the morning, check in, get all the vitals done, go to the pre-op, she gets Versed (which has been a source of problems and as ironically as it seems, is the anxiety prevention med that gives her as much anxiety as the biopsy), we roll down a loooooooooong hallway as the Versed takes effect and we leave her at the door of the OR.  We go and eat and hang out, hoping the whole time that everything is looking good and going well, but not really knowing.  About an hour later, we get called back to the family waiting room, talk to the doctor, and then a short time later, get called into the post-op area to see her and deal with her as she wakes up, scared and angry, from the anesthesia.  Once she has woken up and has received an EKG and Echocardiogram and seems to be doing okay, we get sent up to the Short-stay Unit, where we do our best to keep her from moving around too much (which is hard most of the time…she has to lay flat and hates it) and she gets to eat a little something.  We then get released about eight or nine hours after we arrived and we drive the four hours (often in horrible Bay Area traffic) back home.

It is exhausting, stressful and annoying.  We are heading down on Tuesday to stay the night by Half Moon Bay and go tide pooling and eat good food and try to enjoy ourselves despite knowing what is coming the next day.  It is our thing we do.  Distraction.  My in-laws are coming up from the Central Valley to do the whole thing with us (which is amazingly kind of them, but is also stressful in some ways – I feel somewhat responsible for making sure they don’t have a miserable time despite it being a miserable time).

We will get through it.  All of us.  We always do.  But, I must admit that it is not something I’m looking forward to.  Not at all.

Stray thought #3 – I’m thinking of writing a book.

There, I said it out loud.  Well, wrote it out loud, in black and white.  I haven’t got it all figured out yet, but it is the first time I feel like I have something I could realistic start AND finish.  I’m not sure about doing it all quickly, but I am excited at the prospect.  We shall see.

Stray thought #4 – Blogs, blogs and more blogs.

There are so many amazing blogs out there.  I’m a little overwhelmed by all of them.  I will share some of my favorites in the coming weeks!  But, I’m trying to make this one a little better and a lot more successful this “year”.  By which I mean, this month until March of next year (because I didn’t really get started on this seriously until this month).

My last Stray Thought this week – Spring Break is awesome.

I am very excited to NOT have to go teach tomorrow.  I am very excited to be able to read, clean my house, organize my thoughts, and not feel like I’m running around like a chicken with my head cut off to accomplish all the crazy amount of things I have to accomplish each and every week.

So…what about you?  What are your stray thoughts this Sunday?!?

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