Well, I’m back again with another Five Minute Friday post (a few days late). I had the best of intentions of writing all 31 days of October and failed after only a few days. My intentions do not end up matching my actuality often. I’m not sure if it is because I set my good intentions a little too high or because my actual efforts are a little too low or both. I sometimes feel like I’m living like the character in Groundhog Day. Every day, every month, every year, I’m repeating the same bad habits that led me to where I am. Each little change I try to make gets swallowed up by the same old, same old. So, I do what I can when I can and I just keep on keeping on, but I want more than that. So, that fits well with today’s Five Minute Friday topic: Overcome.
That brick wall in the photo is pretty apropos for the topic today. I feel like I am constantly running into brick walls in my attempts to improve my life. I have so many things I want to be better in my life. The state of my house. The amount of time I spend on my laptop. The constant to-do list that is pages long and only getting longer. The piles of laundry. The piles of stuff in the garage. The last-minute projects that hang over me until they no longer can.
So, why? I’m a smart person. I’m relatively on top of things. I know what I NEED to do. So, why can’t I just DO IT! Seriously. What is holding me back. Sure, I have a lot to do, but I allow myself to be knocked off the tracks by little things. I let myself cave in to things I know I shouldn’t. I convince myself things are harder or will take longer than they do. Why can’t I overcome all this negative, self-destructive behavior? Why can’t I do what I know needs to be done when it needs to be done and be done with it?
I have different theories, but none of them really matter because they just end up being excuses for my behavior. Instead of theories or asking why, I think I need to focus on overcoming the whys and getting to the hows.
I have improved some things. I am keeping my calendar better and am not as prone to missing meetings or not realizing things need to be done until right before they need to be done. But, it still hasn’t kept me from procrastinating on a number of things. I just KNOW I’m procrastinating rather than doing it without knowing. I don’t know which is worse.
So, we’re heading into the holiday season. We’re heading for a new year. We’re in the midst of a change of season, from Summer to Fall. All of these are reasons to start focusing on the how and leaving the why behind. I don’t know what will work for me. I’m going to be honest and just admit that I am not enough. I’m going to focus on putting things in God’s hands and letting Him lead the way. It won’t be easy because I often forget that we sometimes need to surrender to overcome. But, here I am. I surrender. And hopefully, I can now overcome.