Five Minute Friday – There was no control

Well, the first week of the Spring 2017 semester is over and done.  I am in St. Louis at a Speech and Debate tournament and I’m up way too late.  But, I decided I would at least get my Five Minute Friday post in this week.  If you aren’t already participating in Five Minute Friday, you should go give it a link.  This week they are focusing on participants finding those who are new to Five Minute Friday, so you’ll get some visitors and commenters as a newbie!

The prompt this week is Control:

Control is something I gave up in my life long ago.  Actually, I really gave it up almost exactly eight years ago.  Almost eight years ago, I went in for a regular checkup during my pregnancy and ended up in the hospital.  I was there for only a few hours before I was on a helicopter flying to a bigger hospital with a NICU.  In all honesty, I don’t remember a ton about it.  I don’t feel like I totally knew what was happening.  But, I arrived in Sacramento on a helicopter, was placed in a room and hooked up to monitors.  Originally, we thought I would be spending the rest of my pregnancy there (I was only 32.5 weeks along at this point, so we were looking at another six weeks or so).  But, the next day, it was decided that the baby had to come that day.  An emergency C-section was scheduled for that evening.  So, I went from eight weeks away to six weeks away to less than 24 hours away from having a baby.  There was no control.

Once Bean came along, she seemed to do well considering how early she was.  She was tiny.  She had to be in an incubator, like the eggs we used to have in our classrooms when I was in elementary school.  I couldn’t even go see her for the first 24-36 hours because I was still unstable with severely elevated blood pressure.  I was brought pictures and told about her, but I couldn’t actually go see her in the NICU.  It was all so surreal.  There was no control.

We brought her home three long weeks later.  She was still tiny.  We had to get a special car seat, one that held a baby smaller than five pounds.  We didn’t have any baby stuff yet, because we had six weeks and a baby shower still to come.  Our friends got us a bassinet so she would have somewhere to sleep.  We had vitamins and tiny bottles and tiny clothes and a bassinet.  We went to the pediatrician and the lactation counselor.  We thought we had made it through the worst.  But, there was no control.

After three weeks at home, we ended up in the hospital with a diagnosis of RSV.  I moved into a hospital room at our hometown hospital in the pediatric wing.  Bean moved into another incubator.  They would come in and give her breathing treatments every so many hours.  She wasn’t getting better.  My husband would come in during the day to let me go home and shower.  I would come back to the same.  Finally, on the fourth night with no improvement, a nurse seemed to be annoyed and told me that we should not still be there.  I didn’t know what she meant.  But, the next morning, we got news that there would be another helicopter ride.  This time, Bean would fly by herself and we would meet her back in Sacramento at a different hospital and she would be in the Pediatric ICU.  We went home to pack.  There was no control.

We received a call while driving the hour and a half to the hospital.  Bean had arrived.  They had to intubate her.  She had stopped breathing for a time.  A reaction to the Kedamine most likely.  But, they had her stabilized.  They wanted to know if anyone had talked to us about her heart.  No one had.  The doctor told me it was five times the size that it should be and was crushing her lung.  There was no control.

We spent that week in the PICU.  They had her on heart medications and an intubator and a feeding tube and so much more.  She was still tiny.  She was covered in tubes.  She looked like some sort of rag doll.  It was surreal again. We watched TV.  Family came and visited.  We slept in recliners.  We sometimes went to my sister’s to sleep.  Cardiologists came and visited.  Finally, she was stable enough for them to do a heart catheterization.  It was scheduled for Friday morning.  They would know then if it was a structural problem causing the heart size.  The news came back that it was not structural.  The doctor told us he thought she needed more than they could do and suggested Lucile Packard at Stanford.  We agreed.  Another helicopter flight was scheduled.  Then cancelled because the size of the helicopter from Stanford could not land on the roof of the hospital we were in and the drive to and from the nearest place would be wasted time.  So, they would send an ambulance instead.  There was no control.

We drove down and slept a bit before going to see her at Lucile Packard.  We walked in to a group of doctors and nurses and pain specialists and fellows – about 11 people standing around her room talking about her condition.  It was both terrifying and humbling.  We were told what they were going to do to figure out what treatment would be best.  We were told she was very sick.  There was no control.

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It has been much longer than five minutes, but once I got on a roll with that, I had to keep going.  I feel like I could go on like that for pages and pages and pages.  So much has happened and continues to happen that is out of my control.  And despite the horror of the news and the frustration at the situation and the feelings of victimhood (why us?  why her?), we have made it through.  She is not just surviving but thriving.  I am here.  I am making it work.  But, when I start to retell the story, I realize I need to cut myself some slack.

It hasn’t just been my daughter’s story, but my dad’s quick degradation into Alzheimer’s and then long suffering before death.  My mom’s cancer and loneliness and depression and then her death.  My own biopsy a few months ago (that came back negative).  If there is one thing I know, it is that I have no control.  The doctors have some control, but even they don’t have total control.  They don’t always have the answer.  At some point, we have to realize that we have a very small sphere of control and even that is not ours.  As hard as it may be to admit it, we are not able to control our fate or the fate of those around us.

But, we do have the ability to live our lives with love.  We do control what we choose to put out into the world.  Love and light and understanding.  So, that is what I choose to focus on at this point.  There is no control over what happens TO us, but we can control but we do TO and FOR others.

 

Patience is a Virtue

William Langland said that in a poem in the 14th century and we still say it today.  So, it has stood the test of time.  But, it doesn’t mean it is easy to uphold that virtue.  I guess it is defined as “moral excellence”  for a reason.  Tonight, I am a bit short on that virtue.  I am typically a very patient person, but at times, I reach a level of frustration and anxiety and tension that makes me want to scream.  I have reached that level tonight.  And for no real good reason at all.  Overall, today was a good day.  A long day, but a good day.

We drove to my sister’s house last night and stayed the night, allowing us to get up at 4:45 this morning instead of 3:30 a.m. to get to Bean’s heart clinic appointment in Stanford by 7:15 a.m.  My sister was nice enough to go with us, so we got to use the carpool lane and we made it a little bit early even.  The appointment went really well.  All looked good.  I was surprised to learn that her pacemaker is pacing her upper half of the heart 22% of the time and her lower half 9% of the time.  In all honesty, I thought it might just be a precaution and it wouldn’t pace very often if at all.  But, it is pacing almost one quarter of the time!  It is set at 70, so dropping into the high 60s will cause it to pace.  But, still.  A little surprising.  The doctor also said that a transplant may be done before a valve replacement if the right side of the heart becomes overwhelmed by the regurgitation.  So, there’s that on my mind.  Hell, my tension and lack of patience tonight may all be part of a little PTSD that kicks in even when we hear good news, because it often is followed up with disconcerting news (pacemaker is working great and Bean’s health looks great, BUT it is having to be used 22%/9% of the time; the regurgitation does not seem to be increasing or causing her heart issues, BUT it could get worse and could require another open heart surgery for either a valve replacement or a second transplant).  It is a lot to take.  I want to be happy, but it is also tempered.  I’m also exhausted.

In addition, I am feeling overwhelmed again.  I feel like everything in my life happens just a little later than I need it to.  I feel like I wanted so much more done at this point – on my housecleaning and organizing, on my class prep for Fall (good Lord, it starts in just four short weeks), on my finances, on my life in general.  My DH comes home in three days after being gone for five weeks and I feel like I’ve accomplished little-to-nothing.  My birthday is on Sunday and I’m feeling like I don’t even want to celebrate.  I realize this is probably temporary and things will look better when I get up tomorrow and I’ve slept longer and better than last night, do not have to face medical appointments and have two days to get some things done (well, three really because my DH doesn’t come home until Saturday night pretty late).  I need to be productive, not procrastinating. I need to get my #!*^ together.

But, I also feel overly tired and lacking in energy and motivation.  What do you do when it all seems a little overwhelming?  I would love to hear some ideas.  I only have a few more days until my Year of Fun kicks off and I need to get over this feeling of BLAH and FRUSTRATION in order to really have some fun.  I know part of it is probably diet and lack of exercise and who knows what else…

Tuesday Truth…Embracing the Fun in Year 48

I can’t believe that I will be THIS old in one week:

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Yeah…I won’t be THAT old, but you know what I mean.  I used to think 48 was ancient.  Now it seems like just another year.  Trying to make every year the best year ever is getting exhausting.  So, I’m just going to try to make this year a good one.  Simple. Some things I want more of:  reading, time outside, travel,exercise, and fun.  I have not really been having as much fun in my life as I would like to.  I need to let loose.  I find myself constantly on guard.  I really can’t explain why.  And sometimes it isn’t even conscious.  I want to let that go.  So, I’m hoping to make year 48 my year of “letting loose”.  After all, if you can’t let loose at age 48, when can you let loose?  And letting loose will not include a bunch of “goals” and “plans” and such.  That isn’t very loose is it?

Now, I’m not going crazy and quitting my jobs or anything, so I still need my planner.  And I still have a 7 year old, so there is school and activities, etc.  But, I don’t need to feel tied to my laptop and constantly playing catch up.  It will take some “planning” to make it work, but it doesn’t have to be a list of action items that I check off as the year goes by or specific goals that I end up giving up on and then being upset about my “failure”.   The major requirement is getting off my couch and out of my comfort zone.  There are a ton of opportunities for fun, but I choose to skip a lot of them for some unknown reason.  So, this year, I will embrace the fun!

I think that as we get older, we sometimes lose our capacity for joy.  We let things get in the way of us experiencing joy when and where we could.  We have so much baggage that has built up over time that we have problems setting it down so we can enjoy the fun.  If we’re weighed down with problems and past wrongs and frustrations and all those bags are so heavy, we can’t focus on enjoying ourselves.  So, maybe the key is to set our bags down at the door and take a load off!  That will be what I try to do at each and every opportunity this year – set my baggage down, no matter how difficult it is to pile up at the door and let go of it all!  Because taking that load off will allow me to loosen up and enjoy myself.  And who knows, maybe I will find a way to leave some of it behind at each occasion.  A small package here, a piece of baggage there and I will feel less weighed down all the time!

So, here is to my year 48!  The year of embracing the fun, letting go of the baggage and doing the things I want to do while still getting done the things I need to do.

 

Simplicity Sunday – No such thing as “simple”

I am quickly coming to the conclusion that there really is no such thing as simple.  According to the Oxford Dictionary, simple is:  easily understood or done; presenting no difficulty.  Not much about my life seems easily understood or done.  Much about my life presents some difficulty.  But, I’m not sure this is all bad.  As the saying goes, nothing easy is worth pursuing.

The last few weeks have been tough.  I didn’t sleep particularly well before leaving for the pre-hospital trip, getting grading done and the house cleaned up.  Then there was the hospital, where I didn’t really sleep at all one night (in the CVICU), barely slept the next night and slept on and off the next couple of nights.  I slept a bit better back at home, but Bean was still up every few hours complaining of pain or needing to move.  My husband left for five weeks a few days after we got home and soon after I left my DD at my in-laws to go to a conference in San Diego.  The first night, my MIL called me with Bean scream crying in the background, saying she was upset because she had forgotten to call me to say goodnight.  That was obviously not the reason she was scream crying.  She was scream crying because she wanted me THERE, with her.

My mom guilt was extremely high.  I should not have left her so soon after she went through so much.  I’m afraid her anxiety will come back due to this craziness.  How important was this conference (well, it was pretty important because I need it to work on this year-long project I am working on)?  Could I have figured out a way to bring her here (tough one…it is expensive and difficult logistically)?  Should I just give up on making it all work (probably…let’s face facts)?  From there, things got much better and she was fine.  So, on the roller coaster of mothering, I was on the short, fun drop instead of the upside down, traveling way to fast to be comfortable part of the ride.

We’ve been home now for a little over a week and things are going pretty well.  Although, she missed two days of VBS this past week with a fever, so there was a bit of panic for that.  But, it must have been some 24 hour bug because it was quickly gone.

I also didn’t get one of her medications in the monthly delivery, but when I called the pharmacy they said the doctor had not sent a refill.  When I called the doctor, it was a problem with pre-authorization.  And it turns out, we can just buy this stuff over the counter for about the same cost as the copay (maybe cheaper if I can catch it on sale).  So, we took care of that issue.

So, this is what I mean by NOTHING being simple.  But, I think that gives me all the more reason to simplify whatever parts of my life I CAN simplify.  So, decluttering my house (I feel like I have rid myself of VOLUMES of stuff in the past six months, but we still have VOLUMES AND VOLUMES of stuff left.  What is with that?!?  Decluttering my schedule and establishing routines so I don’t have to constantly think about what I should be doing next.  I want to surround myself with things I love and enjoy and that make me feel peaceful and content.  Then, when the inevitable complexity of life pops up, I can not only survive, but thrive.

I am quickly approaching my 48th birthday (what the heck?).  I want to live up to what this blog title suggests…being more in my 40s.  I have a limited time to achieve that though.  A very limited time indeed.

Tuesday Truth

This week’s Tuesday Truths are here!

Tuesday Truth

First, illness sucks.  It especially sucks when the person who is ill is 7 years old and just spent three weeks recovering from surgery.  That’s right.  My DD, who had just started feeling better a week ago (after her pacemaker surgery) seems to have picked up a flu bug or something.  She woke up last night at 2 a.m. complaining of stomach pains, was awake and asleep and awake and asleep the rest of the night, was determined to go to VBS today so she could have her planned play date with a school friend and then one hour into it showed up where I was volunteering crying about her stomach really hurting and having a headache.  So, we came home.  She took Tylenol, watched TV for about an hour and then slept for over three hours.  She woke up feeling better, ate a small amount of yogurt and raspberries and a cracker, drank some water…and about an hour later threw all that up.  🙁  She is now asleep again and I’m thinking no VBS tomorrow and probably a trip to the pedes.  Poor thing.  She can’t catch a break…I’m hoping it is a 24 hour thing and she will be all better tomorrow, but with her immune system, it could be a while.

Second, flies suck.  We always have a problem with flies.  We live backed up to a giant field where everyone walks their dogs and lets them poop and cats go to poop and probably kill things and then we have our own pooping dogs in our backyard.  So, we have a crap ton of flies all the time in the summer.  They seem especially bad right now.  I hate them.  I wish I felt comfortable just spraying the toxic fly spray all over our yard, but I don’t.  So, I have a fly trap in our tree, which has trapped a lot of them already, but there are all those plus more flying around back there and subsequently into our house every time the backdoor is open, which is often with a puppy.  Hate, hate, hate them. If anyone has any non-toxic suggestions, I would love to hear them.  I tried the pennies in a bag of water last year and it was a fail.  So, please, something other than that!

Third, because there has to be something that doesn’t suck on my list, bulldog puppies are hilarious.  Our new puppy, Scout, is a character.  Bulldog puppies are much less energetic than lab/shepherd mixes, but she is plenty entertaining in her own way.  Often in the way she sleeps!  And snores.  What isn’t funny is her gaseous fumes she releases on us!  But, she has been a great addition to our family zoo!  For your enjoyment, a lovely picture of her and our Seven snuggled up together:

Seven and Scout

So, there you go – my Tuesday Truths this week.  Back to worrying about my DD and hoping her illness goes away quickly!

Tuesday Truth: Life in the ICU

This place is familiar, but also somewhat unknown.  I believe it is a safety mechanism in our brains that protects us from remembering the full experience of unpleasant places.  Here I sit in a CVICU room, something I’ve done for months of my precious daughter’s seven years of life.  It all looks somewhat familiar.  The myriad of machines that beep and pulse and beep some more.  The bed that is at once, highly technical, yet still totally uninviting.  My daughter, with the tubes and tubes and more tubes coming out of what seems to be every area of her little body.  She has grown a lot since those first days in the PICU and CVICU as a premature four month old, but she is still a similar vulnerable child who needs lots of love and care and wears her anxiety like a hated piece of clothing, trying to cover it up, while knowing that at some point it WILL be seen by others.

This is a good visit.  A quick in and out – one night only.  But, it is a very, very long night.  There is never peace in an ICU (really, any hospital room), but this night is not so good for someone else, so the lack of peace is even more pronounced.  There is an emergency.  Everyone is gathered around one room.  At some point, privacy screens are put up and doctors and nurses suit up and there is some procedure being done.  Right there in the ICU.  Usually, that means there is no time to move to a different location, which is never good.  This morning I dreaded walking that hallway.  Fearing the sight of an empty room.  But, there was a patient there.  Still surrounded by a number of doctors and nurses, but there, with machines beeping and pulsing and beeping.  So, at least that was good news.  But, from here, who knows?  The child next to us screamed at night about being “firsty,” but each time he had something to drink, he would go into a coughing attack and sometimes throw up.  So, they put him on “NPO” meaning no matter how “firsty” he would get nothing but a little pink swab soaked in some water to rub around his mouth.  I am thankful that my daughter was so little when she was suffering the literal heart ache of cardiomyopathy.  If not for her sake (as I’m sure she was quite often thirsty or hungry or hurt when she coughed), for mine. I did not have to be the parent who tried to rationalize this seemingly torturous behavior of withholding vital needs to their child.

My daughter is whiny.  She wakes up every hour or so to call my name and has me come from my uncomfortable perch in the less-than-cozy rocking chair to rub her arm or simply remind her she is not alone in this place that could easily be mistaken for a house of torture.  She is in pain at times.  She tells me she wants to go home a few times.  But, overall, she is able to be comforted and will go back to sleep, at least temporarily.  I am exhausted.  And somewhat resentful.  It is not unheard of.  Why us?  Why do WE have to go through this AGAIN?  Then I remember the alternative is not having the opportunity to get better, and it all gets put in perspective.

The doctors and nurses go about their business.  They are not unconcerned, but deal with the pain and suffering all around them with professionalism, compassion and as much happiness as is possible.  Some are downright joyful and you wonder how they do it.  It takes a certain type of personality to be sure.  Working in an adult ICU is one thing, but a pediatric ICU is something altogether different.  These are people who have not reached a stage of life where they should be this seriously ill.  And most of the cases in the CVICU are not trauma or accident victims.  They are victims of their genes. They are victims of random statistics.  They are victims of early births or birth defects.  And so many are babies.  And so many are having their third, fourth…tenth surgeries.

We are now home and hopefully will not face time in the CVICU for a long time.  But, if you have a spare prayer or some positive thoughts, please send them to those who aren’t as lucky as we are and are still sitting in that room, in the uncomfortable chair, trying to be hopeful that they too will one day roll out of that wing to the “step down” unit, and then home.  #thankful

Goldfish in hospital

Six Word Saturday: Tired, but Happy – Post Hospital Weekend

We are home!  I am amazed that we actually made it home in the least amount of time they estimated – four days.  It was not an easy four days and I did not sleep well or comfortably the entire time.  So, I am exhausted.  Bean is the same.  In fact, she is napping as I type this.  Hospitals are tiring.  There is no good rest to be had, there is no real comfort to be had…and the food isn’t very good.  So, I am extremely happy to have a weekend at home post-hospital.

Happy to be home, but exhausted.

The pacemaker placement went well.  All seems to be healing as it should be, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt or that she is ready to enjoy summer.  We did some shirt shopping this morning to give her looseness and comfort while the incision heals, but she got very tired quickly and the pain came back.  So, we only made it to a couple of stores and then we were back home, resting.  Which is fine.  A little bit at a time.  Here are some pics from her hospital stay and coming home:

 

Five Minute Friday – Expect

I’m joining Five Minute Friday again this week.  I missed it last week.  I almost did it a couple of days late, but decided not to.  I like the idea of doing it ON Friday.  This week’s topic is “Expect”.  Join in if you would like to be part of a supportive community with great messages to share!

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So, here goes:

I have high expectations for myself and my life.  I often over estimate what I’ll be able to do or get done in a certain amount of time.  I often have expected that things will come easily for me (because many things have in the past).  But, life is not so simple or easy and I often find myself coming out the other side disappointed.  It has not yet caused me to change my expectations though.  I somehow stay optimistic (perhaps unrealistic?) in hopes that even those things that didn’t come easily for me will still come.  I still expect that I will be able to accomplish what I need to accomplish, even if it takes longer than I thought it would originally.

Part of this “positivity” is my optimism.  Part of it is hope.  Part of it is that I realize expecting little doesn’t do much for my motivation or my drive.  So,  I would rather have high expectations and fall short than have low expectations and not have tried for something better.  Part of the positivity is based on the fact that I have had such huge blessings in my life, how could I not recognize where things have come more easily to me than to others (Bean’s heart is one thing that always comes to mind…we waited such a short time and we’ve been so lucky with her health since).

So, I expect…not necessarily “the best” but definitely good things to happen and for me to be able to do what I truly need to do when I truly need to do it.  So far, thank the Lord, I have been allowed to experience that, for the most part.  So, yes, I have had a rough seven years or so, with my parents’ illnesses and Bean’s illnesses, but things could have been so much worse.  And most of the time, I think I was pretty consistently thinking that things would be better, not worse.  I wasn’t always right about that, but the thoughts kept me sane.


That’s it for this Five Minute Friday!  Join up!  I’d love to hear what you have to say!

Tired but Wired

This is often my state of mind.  “Tired but Wired.”  I should make t-shirts.

So, what does this mean.  Well, I’m exhausted most of the time.  I work a job and a half (well, really a job and three quarters).  I take care of most of the household chores on a day-to-day basis.  I manage appointments and scheduling because I am the one with the busy schedule.  I don’t want to paint my DH out to be lazy.  He has a couple of jobs, but those jobs are long distance and highly intense for short bursts of time.  They are also jobs that I would say suffer from Parkinson’s Law – so, given deadlines, the work would be done in less time, but because it is often done without near-term deadlines, it expands to fill a lot of his time.  My job is more defined – I have teaching hours, office hours and then hours that I spend doing grading, prep, etc. but those are when I can fit them in.  My job suffers a bit from Parkinson’s Law as well.  So, we’re both working at home quite a bit.  Too much, in fact.

So, anyways, I am often feeling exhausted from everything I’ve had to do in a day AND staring down the barrel of a to-do list that is far too long to ever complete in the time provided for it.  I feel behind quite a bit of the time.  I often struggle with what I should be doing.  For example, right now, there are three loads of laundry piled up in our living room needing to be folded and put away, a load of dishes to unload from the dishwasher and more dishes waiting to go in, a mess on the dining room table to that needs to be dealt with (thrown away, put away, etc.) AND a pile of grading in my work bag that is late being handed back.  I currently can’t locate my video camera that has some presentations on it I need to grade.  I have an iPad that needs to be restored to make it functional.  And my in-laws are coming for the weekend and their bed in the guest room needs to be made.  I need to clean the bathrooms.  The list goes on and on.  And this is not unique.  This is my daily operating.  And that list of things makes me WIRED.  I feel tense and anxious and like I need to be constantly DOING.  But, I’m also TIRED.  Yesterday was my 13 hour day (with one two hour break in there) and I have a headache and my back hurts and I just want to curl up with a TV show and recover.  But, I teach in three and a half hours and I volunteer in my DD’s classroom in an hour.  And…and…and…

So, yeah, I ‘m both tired and wired.  I’m exhausted but anxious.  And I feel a little stuck.  I do have summer coming in a month.  During summer, I am mostly wired.  I get bored easily and feel like I NEED to be doing things.  But, I also don’t get much done.  It is a strange set of circumstances.  But, this summer, I plan to be more purposeful in REST and in WORK.  So, I’m going to plan times for both. I need to work on a course redesign I got a grant for and I have a few other projects I would like to get done during the summer.  But, I also realize that I need to have some DOWN time.  When I’m not working on anything.  When I can just decompress.  Sleep.  Relax.  Read.  Enjoy.  If I am not purposeful about that, the summer will be gone and I will still feel just tired and wired.  I want to feel rejuvenated and purposeful instead.  It isn’t quite as poetic, but it sure would feel better.

Tuesday Truths

I’m jumping in with some Tuesday Truths this week.  Just tryin’ to keep it real…and truthful!

Tuesday Truth

My first truth this week is ANTIBIOTICS ARE AWESOME!  I woke up yesterday morning at 1 a.m. with a terrible pain in my throat.  Having gone many years in college getting strep throat multiple times a year, I recognized the feeling immediately.  I tried to ignore it thinking maybe it was allergies (they’ve been bad here), fell asleep again for a while, but woke at 3:30 a.m. with even worse pain.  At 4 a.m., I took a Tylenol and started planning my day with cancelling classes and office hours, going to the prompt care clinic and getting this taken care of ASAP.  With an immune-suppressed child (tonsilless thank goodness, I think that makes the strep less likely to take hold, but still) and a national travel trip with 15 students scheduled on Wednesday, I could take no chances.  I got up and started sending emails, dealing with planning, and as soon as I dropped my DD off at school, drove over to the prompt care clinic.  Within an hour, I had tested positive for strep, got a steroid to help with the inflammation and pain, and dropped off my prescription.  Within three hours, I had taken my first antibiotic in a 10 day, 3X a day protocol and settled in for a nap.  By the time I picked up my DD, the stabbing pain had turned to a dull ache.  I was still achy and exhausted, but felt much better already.  This morning, I woke up and am feeling GREAT!  So, yes, antibiotics are awesome!!!

My second truth is God is Good!  I know, I know.  It is a bit cliche.  But, I’ve seen Him working in my life in so many ways this year already.  Life is certainly not all smooth sailing, but His hand touches so many things in so many ways that I don’t always notice.  And this “season”, while starting out tough with news of surgery, financial concerns and job anxiety, has turned into so much goodness.  The surgery is on and I’m thankful that we are with an insurance that doesn’t question the pacemaker placement even though my DD has not been symptomatic (I read a thread online where multiple people had been told no).  I’m thankful I have a job that I can get people to cover for me and make adjustments where necessary when things like this surgery pop up.  I got a raise at my current job, where I would really prefer to stay, so I’ve decided not to apply for the other job (which was a stress in my life, mostly because of insurance concerns).  I also got a grant for revising a class that is going to be really exciting to work on next year.  And I’ve got ideas and plans and exciting possibilities for the coming years!  And I can see where God has had a hand in all those things.  So, I am feeling extremely thankful.

My last truth this Tuesday is travel is stressful.  I THINK I have all the logistics of this trip handled.  Luckily, my DH moved up his return flight today so he got back a couple of hours ago.  Originally, he was scheduled to arrive back home around Midnight and I was scheduled to leave at 3 a.m.  That’s stressful.  Today, he had a two hour delay.  If that would have happened tonight, I would have been a basket case.  So, much better.  I’ve got all the rental cars and we actually ended up with a truck, which will be much easier to fit all the luggage in (as long as it doesn’t rain, which it is projected to earlier in the night – but I will bring some big towels to throw down under luggage and hopefully it will suffice). One of the students was notified he has mono this afternoon, so I had to cancel him.  He was really upset and still wanted to go, but I told him if he put his body through the 3 a.m. departure, time change and long days of a tournament, he might not make it through the semester when he gets back. Mono can be rough and I think he isn’t feeling it right now, but he DEFINITELY would be if he went through this trip.  So, I said no.  So, now there are only 14 students going…but that is still the largest group I’ve ever flown with.  So, it is a bit stressful.  But, seems to be going okay so far.