So, yeah. That was my entry way closet a few weeks back. And I think of it as representative of what my life feels like right now. Way. Too. Full. Of stuff. And some of the stuff is good stuff – like I’m using that big pink, plaid purse right now and I love it for summer. That soft blue blanket laying on top of the pile is awesome on a chilly night. There are coats and sweaters hanging in there that are awesome to wear as well. But, there are also a bunch of DVDs (up on top there) that we never, ever, ever watch. We don’t even have a DVD player hooked up to our TV anymore. Since I took that picture I have cleaned out some things and it does look better. I’m not going to show an “after” picture because that isn’t the point of this post. The point of this post is that most of my life looks much more like that picture than the “after” picture (and in fact, the closet has even started to look a bit cluttered again already).
I am not a neat freak by any means, but a house in total chaos drives me a tad bit crazy. And I would say that my house has been in a state of at least partial chaos for the past six years, but especially in the last four and a half years (since becoming a parent). And that partial chaos is always on the tipping point of becoming total chaos – and it often does. There are many causes for this chaos that I can identify – lack of routines to get things done around the house, a four year old who likes to do a lot of different things in a day and owns way too many things to choose from, somewhat unpredictable scheduling or traveling for work (which isn’t unpredictable, but still kind of throws me off), my hatred or avoidance of certain cleaning duties, but most of all, it is that we have way too much stuff! And we are pilers. All of us are pilers. We pile things here, we pile things there and when we need to use a space where there is a pile, we move the pile somewhere else. And often, those piles go missing or things in the piles go missing. And that means purchasing more stuff to replace the stuff from the piles. It is an evil, evil circle of pain.
In addition to all this physical clutter, I also know that I’m living with a serious level of emotional and mental clutter as well. I believe that I may have some slight PTSD issues going on from my daughter’s illness, heart transplant and second open heart surgery. I also think that I have a bit of an issue with focus, in that I totally lack it. I easily lose interest in things. My job is one that requires many, many different things to be done all at the same time and it is tough to keep track of all of them. So, I am constantly struggling with finding things that have slipped through the cracks and dealing with them at the last minute or after the last minute as the case may be. So, I am often feeling torn in different directions and unable to keep track of all the things to do and deadlines, etc.
So, one of my things that I will be focused on in this search for MORE is more space, more peace and more predictability/productivity. That will mean a big purge of stuff, a big purge of guilt and sorry and shame and more, and figuring out what is going to work for me organizationally speaking for work.
Watch this space on future Sundays for some specific ways I accomplish these goals! I’ve already started the “stuff” purge – slowly but surely, bags are leaving the house.