Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday – Wordy Edition

I have no photos from this past week.  Sad, but true.  I feel like my phone has been dead or I just haven’t felt compelled to take a picture.  So, no pics.

The week has not been an easy one, but there have been some highlights.  The best is that we are getting rain today.  Rain, glorious rain.  We are in a serious drought in California, so it is very welcome.  A second highlight was the speech and debate team meeting last night went phenomenally!  I may talk about it in a future Monday Management post, but I probably will not.  But, there is much excitement, many new faces and lots of enthusiasm for speaking in the group.  A welcome change from last semester!  The third highlight is that I’m starting to feel a little better about things.  I’m not totally feeling confident and satisfied with where I am, but I am feeling like I’m starting to come out the other side of things.

Finally, last highlight, for which I will include a photo:  Murder She Wrote is back on Netflix…and I am starting over from the beginning of the series.  Murder She Wrote is like a warm blanket and a hot cup of tea for me…

Jessica-Fletcher

I am considering starting a Life Lessons Learned from Murder She Wrote blog…or at least a weekly entry on this blog based on it.  What do you think?  🙂

Uncategorized

Keep on keepin’ on…

That is all I feel I can do right now.  Sometimes I feel just fine.  Other times, I feel like I’m crumbling.  I must admit that the length of my dad’s illness and his inability to communicate for so long has made his death much less traumatic.  But, my mom starting radiation immediately and me feeling completely incapable of keeping up with my life is dragging me down.  I feel like I go through each day saying, “if I can only get through today…” or “if I can only get through this week…” but, really it is always the same.  There is always something else on the horizon.  There is no end in sight.

So, I have to keep on keepin’ on.  I have to figure out a way to make things work.  I have to try harder.  I have to plan better.  I have to stay saner.  I need follow through.  I need to be clutter free.  I need less in order to have more.  I have so many needs.  And on top of all those, I also have some wants.

But, it is not easy.  I feel like I need to mourn, but I also feel like I have already mourned.  I can’t decide if I am over it or burying it.  I also don’t know how I will tell.

So, this week is simply a “get through it” week.  And we’ll see how next week feels…

Uncategorized

Bucket of Suck…

buckets-clipart31

<This was typed and finished yesterday, but I didn’t ever hit publish, so I will do that now.>

I read this phrase on a Facebook meme this morning and it perfectly captured my feelings about life today.  January has been a bucket of suck so far for me.  My dad, who has been sick for quite a while and in hospice for almost six months, passed away on Saturday.  Although I am relieved that it is over and he doesn’t have to be in the state he has been for the past couple of years (he had vascular dementia and for the past two years has been on a serious decline both cognitively and physically, finalized in being bed-ridden for the past nine months and unable to communicate for the past seven months).  He would have never wanted it to go on for that long, but in the end, you don’t really have a choice.  Someone else makes that choice for you and my mom, being the law-abiding citizen that she is, gave him the best care (in home 24/7 caregiver along with hospice) and he survived far past when most thought he would.  Which, I think he would describe as a curse.

So, this weekend, I was hosting/directing a tournament and running between that and my parents’ home (well, I spent most of the day Saturday at my parents’ home – I went to visit in the morning, left to go do the lunch catering at the tournament and got a call 45 minutes later that he had died, so I went back to my parents’ house as soon as I could unload the lunch catering and stayed until 8:30 p.m., went back to the tournament to pick up my co-workers who had run the event for the rest of the day, and back to the hotel to have a really crappy night’s sleep), dealing with my four year old who was along for the weekend and her disappointment at the hotel pool being closed for repairs and her (totally rightful) boredom during the long days at the tournament, then grandma’s then back to the tournament, etc.  In all honesty, it could have been much worse, but it could have also been much better.

Tomorrow I have to drive back to the Bay Area for a heart clinic appointment for my daughter.  So, today, I took a mental health day for the first day of classes.  I woke up feeling completely without energy and incredibly emotionally unstable.  I cried twice in the first four hours of wakefulness, which is not like me at all.  So, I emailed and said I would not be there today.  I spent the day on the couch mostly, did some grocery shopping for the basics and did some online work for my classes…but, overall didn’t do much.  And I still feel exhausted and slightly emotionally unstable, but I’m better.  I hope to make it through what is sure to be a very long day tomorrow (we are leaving here between 5 and 5:30 a.m. to pick up my sister and then exchange her for my hubby at my mom’s so she can take my mom to her radiation treatment, which my hubby did yesterday and today while staying there for work this week) and drive on to Stanford for her appointment which is usually an hour and a half or so.

So, yeah…so far 2014 has been a bucket of suck.  My daughter has had the flu AND a UTI already, my dad passed away, my mom was diagnosed with internal bleeding and needed to start radiation treatments and blood infusions, and I am totally exhausted.  But, I am committed to dump the bucket out of all its suck and start filling it with things that don’t suck.  ASAP…

What about you?  How is 2014 treating you so far?

Thursday Thumbs Up

Thumbs Up Thursday #13

thumbs-up

Well, it has been a rough week, so the Thumbs Up is a little tough this week.  But, here are the things I am most thankful for this week:

tamiflu_11416_9_(big)_

This stuff was like magic for my daughter’s flu.  She came down with it fast and furious and tested positive for both strains in the pede’s office.  We started her on it immediately that night and she seems to be totally recovered only 48 hours later.  She still has three more days of the Tamiflu, but with her immune suppressing meds, this is impressive!  Thank goodness.  She was quite miserable for that first day of it.

Zofran 8 mg

And, on a medical roll, I also give a thumbs up to Zofran.  My daughter can not handle dehydration with the meds she takes and her heart condition, so this is some great stuff that is much needed when she gets stomach sick.  She threw up twice before we got the stuff and never after we got the stuff.  She felt sick again a couple of times but we got the Zofran on board and she never threw up again.  That is something to be very thankful.

That is all I can get out this week.  Between the flu, viewing every call from my mom or sister as being the one that will tell me my Dad is gone (still hasn’t happened, but it is imminent), my mom’s need for an emergency blood transfusion and finding out that she has life-threatening internal bleeding that will need to be treated with radiation five days a week for two to five weeks and the start of the semester being only days away and me with only one syllabus out of four complete at this point…none of it is thumbs up worthy.  So, I will focus on the great meds that have allowed us to escape the flu disaster that could have been and move on to dealing with all this other stuff.

Hope your week is better than mine.

Uncategorized

Tuesday To-Do’s – Last Week of Freedom

braveheart

Well, that is actually not even true.  This is the last week I have off from teaching in the classroom, but I have faculty meetings, trainings and a tournament to host this weekend.  So, my freedom is basically gone.  My husband has also invited a couple of his team members up to our house for the next couple of days, so I really have zero freedom left.  But, I have a long list of to-do’s.

Last week’s Focus on Seven edition was a bust for numerous reasons, not the least of which was the constant waiting to see if my Dad was going to take a turn for the worst and not make it through.  He is still hanging on today, but it is looking close, which will be tough when added to everything else that is happening.  Upon returning from my in-laws, my mom was not feeling well and a blood test showed her hemoglobin was extremely low, so we stayed last night at their house and I took her in for a transfusion this morning (two units…it was extremely low).  My sister met me at the hospital so we could come home.   And now, my daughter, who is immune compromised, has been diagnosed with not one, but two strains of the flu!  She had her flu shot, but because of her immune suppressing medication, it probably was not fully effective.  She is doing much better now than she was only a few hours ago, but we’ll see how she progresses.  She is now on Zofran and Tamiflu, so hopefully it will kick it quickly.  When it rains, it really seems to pour in my life.

But, let me reflect a bit on what I did from last week’s list and include this week’s updates:

Friendship

I did take my friend to the airport, which was the only thing I had in the friendship area.  This week I have the tournament and figure that I will spend some time socializing with people I haven’t seen in a while.  Hopefully I will have time and energy to spend some quality time with at least a few people.

Health

Well, the Wii is still not hooked up – fail.  Maybe I can get that done this week.  I did go on a short hike with my MIL and DD this weekend, which was nice.  But, other than that, not much to speak of in the way of exercise.  But, I did relax a bit and I spent the weekend relatively screen-free, which was definitely a benefit as well.

Inner Harmony

Again, not much to report in this area.  I’ve been pinning planners and journals like a fiend, but still can’t figure out how to make them work in my life.  I really feel drawn to them strongly, so I do feel like I would like to make one creative and beautiful and fun to use.  Here are a couple more I have found that really draw me to them:

Planner - graphic Planner awesome

 

We’ll see if I can actually get something together.  It seems like a good time with school starting next week.  But, with everything going on, I’m not sure if I will be motivated to do anything creative.

Knowledge

Still working on the book.  I read a couple of more chapters, but nothing significant.  Again, it has been hard to get motivated.

Economic Security

I signed the paperwork for the extra money last week, so that should be here in check form by the end of the month – much needed. I also got the reimbursement paperwork in but figure out that I actually owed $80 back to the school, so not money there.  It is a lean, lean month and with my daughter getting sick, my husband has put off going to work this week.  But, his workplace is where we have the tournament this weekend, so he can turn in the paperwork while we are there for the tournament.  That will be really helpful when it comes in.  I’ve also discovered a few small (and I do mean small) money making ventures online that I will blog about some time later.  Every little bit helps though, right?  I am hoping that I can cut some expenses next month, but we’ll see.

Family happiness

We did late Christmas at my in-laws and it was good, but not quite a full commitment to family.  We split up most of the weekend and that was disappointing.  The fact that my daughter is sick will cause us to have to spend some time together in the next couple of days though, so I guess there are better ways to make family time happen, but illness is one of them.  We also will be spending the weekend together at the tournament, so there is some more family time, even if it is layered on work time.

Spirituality

Again, not much in this department.  The follow-up is really causing me to realize how I lack follow through.  I didn’t read the book, although I carried it around all weekend.  I will keep that as my goal this week.

It has been a rough week since the last post.  I’m a little bit exhausted thinking about the anxiety and stress and travel.  I really need to focus on making sure my Seven are front and center, even in times of stress and anxiety.

 

Simplicity Sunday

Weekend Away…

Wind_wolves_preserve

 

I am taking a weekend away from the laptop…well, mostly.  I am posting this to let you know that I am taking this last weekend before work begins again for the Spring semester to (1) celebrate a 2nd Christmas with my in-laws, (2) do some outdoor activities since the drought is making that totally possible in Cali, (3) enjoy the fact that I don’t HAVE to be on the computer much right now (since my life usually revolves around it).  I have opened my laptop for the first time since leaving home yesterday tonight at 10:30 p.m. and I plan to leave it closed until at least that time tomorrow – and may not open it at all – and then Monday we will spend most of the day on the road home.

Once there, I will be back in the swing of things – so expect a To-Do Tuesday post at the latest, but don’t be surprised if you don’t see something before then!

Hope you all are enjoying your weekend – especially the people around you!