That is all I feel I can do right now. Sometimes I feel just fine. Other times, I feel like I’m crumbling. I must admit that the length of my dad’s illness and his inability to communicate for so long has made his death much less traumatic. But, my mom starting radiation immediately and me feeling completely incapable of keeping up with my life is dragging me down. I feel like I go through each day saying, “if I can only get through today…” or “if I can only get through this week…” but, really it is always the same. There is always something else on the horizon. There is no end in sight.
So, I have to keep on keepin’ on. I have to figure out a way to make things work. I have to try harder. I have to plan better. I have to stay saner. I need follow through. I need to be clutter free. I need less in order to have more. I have so many needs. And on top of all those, I also have some wants.
But, it is not easy. I feel like I need to mourn, but I also feel like I have already mourned. I can’t decide if I am over it or burying it. I also don’t know how I will tell.
So, this week is simply a “get through it” week. And we’ll see how next week feels…