Losing a Mother…

Well, my mom has passed away.  Those who follow this blog know that this has been coming for a long time, so it isn’t totally unexpected.  Although, she was doing pretty well up until a few days ago when she fell.  After that, she never really recovered.  They think she may have had a stroke.  She has been pretty non-responsive for the past two days.  We knew it was coming.  But, it doesn’t necessarily make it any easier.  I feel a bit numb.  I am sad about my mom not being here anymore, but I am relieved that she is out of pain and suffering, which made up a lot of her life in the last three or four years.  Sometimes it was dull pain and suffering that was in the background, but sometimes it was overbearing pain and suffering that was tough to watch and I can only imagine how difficult it was to experience.  I am glad that it was relatively quick after she took a downward turn, rather than stretching out for months like with my dad.

I am not driving down to my sister’s tonight.  I would have to load up my 6 yo and my dog and drive down and there wouldn’t be much for me to do.  Hospice will come out and deal with the logistics.  And then, my sister will probably need to sleep, since she probably has not slept much for the past four days.  At least not slept well.  It is a lot to deal with and I’m sure she is exhausted.  But, at least she will now have a bit of a rest.  There will be a lot to do with my parent’s house and such, but that can all wait a bit.

I’m not sure what to do.  My mom, like my dad, did not want any services.  Although I know why she chose that, I do feel that it would be easier with a service.  Some closure would be helpful for those of us still here.  With it being this way, it is left so open…

I think I’ve mourned for my mom as she’s gone through these illnesses and lost a bit of herself here and there.  I also have felt bad for her as she had said repeatedly that she was ready for it to be over, that she was tired.  So, I feel, in a way, this is something to celebrate.  I know that she had been reading the Bible and I think she was comfortable with leaving this earth and her broken body.  I believe that she is in a better place and she is relieved and happy.  I just hope that my sister can also feel relief and happiness.  And I hope that I can find a way to find some closure without services and without any real action of closure.

But, I am glad that we had the time we did with her.  Especially the time we spent this summer.  I don’t have pictures of that recent visit, but here are a few from the past few years: