Five Minute Friday – Alone

Joining Five Minute Friday again this week.  I’ve made it through my first week of the Fall 2015 semester.  So far, so good.  Although, I will say that my house is an unmitigated disaster, so the keeping up with things at home while going back to work has been a little less than successful.  I’m hoping it is a just a first week thing.  I also had a sick six year old at home for a couple of days this week (running a fever with no other symptoms, so she may have just been teething again), so that definitely contributed, but it is my inability to maintain a daily routine.  I realize that and need to work on it.  So, there’s my confession for this week.

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This week’s prompt is “alone”.

Well, a while back I definitely could have dumped a lot out on this topic.  There have been times over the past few years when I have felt very alone, even in a room full of people.  But, I am starting to realize that I had somewhat done that to myself (put myself into solitary confinement so-to-speak).  I’ve been thinking about what is different this first week of the semester than past first weeks of the semester and I think the biggest is that I’ve actually had social engagements that I was active in not only planning but participating in.  I know that sounds strange, but I went through a period where I would often relegate myself to the “wallflower” position at public events, even those I staged.  I didn’t really participate.  I was uncomfortable at my own party.  I felt like no one really got me and I didn’t get anyone else.  I felt alone.  But, what I didn’t realize was I was the one in control of that.

So, last week, I hosted our regional coach’s conference here in town.  We went to a tour of Sierra Nevada Brewery and dinner at the restaurant there on Friday.  I felt myself falling back into that same habit of pulling back from conversation and I pushed myself to engage.  On Saturday, we had the conference and I socialized at lunch and during the meeting.  Then we had all the coaches to our house for a BBQ on Saturday night.  Our house is small, and slightly untidy and not really what I would call made for hospitality, but we set up the backyard, had some people bring chairs to help with seating and everyone seemed to have a good time.  We ate well and I enjoyed conversation and hanging out with people.  I let myself be part of things.  And it was good.

Tonight, I’m getting ready to head out to bunco with a group of women I’ve played with once before (some are from my church) and when I saw they needed someone instead of second-guessing whether I would “feel up to it” the Friday of the first week of classes, I jumped on it and said yes.  I thought of cancelling when my DD got sick, but decided to wait it out and she’s fine today, so I’m going.

That’s time, but just to summarize what I think the point was of this – sometimes we are not really alone – we are simply not letting ourselves be WITH others.  So, I’m really trying to be more aware of when I do that and to be engaged with others.

Think about joining us over at Five Minute Friday!

5 thoughts on “Five Minute Friday – Alone

  1. When I have taken the Myers Briggs personality test, I found myself in the middle more often than not. Depending on the situation, sometimes I choose to be more extroverted and sometimes I choose to be more introverted. From your reflections, you appear to be somewhat similar as you sense when you are being more of one and consider altering the status quo. Sorry to go deep. BTG

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    • I definitely think I float somewhere between extrovert and introvert. And with teaching being my day-to-day job, I think I sometimes get my fill of extrovert just in performing my job, so I tend to isolate myself in my personal life at times. I also think that stress makes me more introverted and since I can’t just stay home from work, I stay home from everything else. 🙂 So, I agree – not too deep, very insightful!

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