Six Word Saturday

Six Word Saturday – New year, New Focus

I can’t believe I’m typing this, but Christmas is less than a week away!  This is going to be a very low-key Christmas.  My hubby works on Christmas Eve and then we’ll drive down to my in-laws on Christmas Day and it will be just us and them for the evening.  My DD is pretty excited about the gifts, but not much else.  I’ve really tried to get her more into the giving spirit, but not much seems to be working in that area.  I have Christmas cards to write and send out this week (some will arrive late, but oh well), but all my shopping is pretty much done.  A few more gifts to be bought at my hubby’s work this week and some stocking stuffers and I will be finished.  We decided on no adult gifts in my husband’s family this year and instead we are doing a weekend in Monterey, which will be much better than any gift anyways.  But, on to my six words…

 

New year, new focus on me.

I have already started with MYSELF focus for My One Word.  I went out and bought some cleaning supplies I have needed for a while and finally got rid of all the nasty cobwebs in my vaulted stairway.  Why, oh why, didn’t I do this long ago?  It was a $4.99 tool (50% off, but even at full price would have been worth it) and it has already made my house look 100X better.  And it makes me feel better.  I also went to Goodwill to look for a few books that my DD wanted and I bought myself five nice sweaters because I only had a few sweaters I liked and I was getting tired of wearing the same thing over and over again when it was cold.  They are nice sweaters that will be great for work.  I got the five sweaters, three books for my DD and a Littlest Pet Shop toy for $38, which is probably half the price that I would have spent on one of the sweaters (because one was actually new with tags from Macy’s).  We then went to Barnes and Noble and bought my niece three things.  Now, I just need to wrap them and my DD’s gifts and get them under the tree so it looks a little more like Christmas.  I also need to get a couple of more things for my sister and my brother-in-law, but I will probably do that at my DH’s work later this week.

I am already getting my calendar together for the new year.  I ordered a new planner to use and I’ve got my wall calendar started.  I’ve decided to take one day a week for ME – no scheduling anything that I don’t love and enjoy.  So, no work meetings, no dentist appointments – just things I really enjoy doing.  I’m going to try to take that day off of grading/prep as well and I may even try to go without my phone for the most part (only answer emergency calls or something and not check email, etc.).

So, even now, this all seems a little petty and selfish to me.  But, I am tired.  And I don’t feel like my family works as a team.  My daughter tried to “make a deal with me” today about not shopping for her when we went out.  As if she were in a position to make a deal with me about not buying her something while we were out.  And obviously, I did end up buying her something at the thrift store.  But, she definitely made some indications that she thought I was going to buy her something at Barnes and Noble and I did not.  We shopped for her cousin and that was it. But, I’m still feeling a bit like a pushover in this instance.  I love my DD and she is a very loving person, but she is definitely leaning towards some entitlement issues and I want her to be a Giver not a Gimme.   But, my modeling that for her (being a giver to her constantly) is definitely not helping the situation.  I need to be a Gimme sometimes in life I guess.  Even though that seems counterintuitive to who I want to be as a person.

I would love to hear some feedback on teaching my DD how to be more of a giver.  I would love to hear some feedback on how to work on making my family work as a team rather than being codependent.

 

Five Minute Friday

Five Minute Friday – Choose Your Own Word!

This week’s Five Minute Friday is a little different.  We’ve been given the charge to choose our own word as a prompt!  It is tough.  With so many words to choose from, how do I choose just one. single. word?!?  But, I’ve been given a charge and I will fulfill my duty!

Five-Minute-Friday-4-300x300

The word I’m choosing is:  MYSELF

I have had a bit of a rough day.  I was tired after yesterday’s busy, busy day (field trip in the morning with my DD’s class, baking cookies for cookie swap after that, then a final exam, then the crazy chaotic cleaning for the cookie swap, then the cookie swap).  I drank a bit of wine, which I enjoy, but often feel not-so-great the next day (even though I don’t drink much – only one glass last night).  This morning I went to my DD’s class again, watched a couple of little plays they have been working on, ran to the store to pick up needed supplies for crafts, came back and helped out a bit, ran home to let the dog in (it was raining) and go buy teachers’ gifts (why I had not already done that I don’t know).  My DD had a bit of a breakdown during the book exchange game because she ended up with a book she didn’t want and the girl next to her got a book she REALLY wanted.  She started crying.  It was embarrassing for me because I feel like she is suffering from a bit of entitlement.  Maybe even more than a bit.  Then I found out that the VTech video camera we got for her this summer had been chewed up by the dog and taken outside, which she knew and didn’t tell anyone.  At that point, I had a breakdown.  It was a $60 camera that she hadn’t taken care of and she just didn’t seem to really care at all.

So, how does this all tie into “myself”?  Well, that’s an excellent question.  But, I think I’ve realized today that I do not consider this concept of “myself” when planning and evaluating my life.  My DD is very good at considering her “myself” right now (6 is a pretty self-centered age it turns out).  My DH is also very good at considering his “myself” when decision-making.  I am not so good at it.  As of late, I am often not even sure what myself would want, so how can I give it what it wants or make decisions to benefit it?  I am so outwardly focused.  I want to make others happy and secure and well-adjusted.  But, I don’t worry about those things for myself enough.

——-that’s time, but I would like to continue a bit…

So, I’m thinking of changing my word of the year I had established earlier.  I’m thinking of changing it to MYSELF.  I haven’t considered myself first in many instances in the last decade or so.  And I’m ready to figure out who MYSELF is and how to do things that make MYSELF happier and more well-adjusted.  I feel like I have to do some work figuring out who I am.  Then, I need to do some work making who I am better and happier and more well-adjusted.

I will need some help from those around me.  I will have to ask for and sometimes I may even have to DEMAND that help from them.  As of right now, I often suffer in silence.  And I’m tired of suffering.

I am ready to put my oxygen mask on and take care of myself in 2016.  I am hoping…no, I KNOW that it will make be a better mother and wife, even if it might be a slight shock to the system for my family.  It isn’t that I plan on NOT taking care of my family – that is part of who I am and hopefully I will get even better at it.  But, it does mean, I will be asking for more help, instituting more systems that work for me and giving myself the same gifts of time, money and fulfillment of needs that I give them.