Life is full of firsts, but the one thing we often don’t put first is ourselves. At least most of us do not. I am guilty of not putting myself first and it has caused me to become somewhat bitter. So, this year, I’ve adopted my One Word as “myself”.
I realize that a lot of the reason I don’t prioritize myself is because I never had a real model for that. My mom never put herself first. She was a wonderful mom, but I never really knew her as “herself”. I never really knew what she loved and didn’t love or what she was really passionate about. She was always there for us as children, or my dad or even others – she was a woman full of compassion and caring and giving, but I felt like she got lost in all that giving and didn’t get nearly enough of what she needed in life because of it. I want to model my mom in a lot of ways. I want to be compassionate. I want to be caring. I want to be giving. But, I don’t want to lose myself in the mix, as I feel like was starting to happen over the last six years. So, I’m trying to readjust.
But, it is difficult. This putting ourselves first thing is a threat in many ways. What if we come off as narcissistic or selfish or ungiving? I don’t see that as being a REAL threat, but sometimes those constructed threats are just as bad or worse. But, I’m taking the plunge. I’m focusing on me and what I want and need. I’m trying to figure out who I really want to be and what I’m really passionate about and then figuring out how to make more of that in my life. But, it isn’t easy. And sometimes it feels a little exhausting. Maybe even a little silly.
Putting ourselves first is important to our health, our well-being and our general happiness. So, it is worth the trouble and effort and (unwarranted) guilt. But, I have to keep repeating that as I take this challenge this year.