This is often my state of mind. “Tired but Wired.” I should make t-shirts.
So, what does this mean. Well, I’m exhausted most of the time. I work a job and a half (well, really a job and three quarters). I take care of most of the household chores on a day-to-day basis. I manage appointments and scheduling because I am the one with the busy schedule. I don’t want to paint my DH out to be lazy. He has a couple of jobs, but those jobs are long distance and highly intense for short bursts of time. They are also jobs that I would say suffer from Parkinson’s Law – so, given deadlines, the work would be done in less time, but because it is often done without near-term deadlines, it expands to fill a lot of his time. My job is more defined – I have teaching hours, office hours and then hours that I spend doing grading, prep, etc. but those are when I can fit them in. My job suffers a bit from Parkinson’s Law as well. So, we’re both working at home quite a bit. Too much, in fact.
So, anyways, I am often feeling exhausted from everything I’ve had to do in a day AND staring down the barrel of a to-do list that is far too long to ever complete in the time provided for it. I feel behind quite a bit of the time. I often struggle with what I should be doing. For example, right now, there are three loads of laundry piled up in our living room needing to be folded and put away, a load of dishes to unload from the dishwasher and more dishes waiting to go in, a mess on the dining room table to that needs to be dealt with (thrown away, put away, etc.) AND a pile of grading in my work bag that is late being handed back. I currently can’t locate my video camera that has some presentations on it I need to grade. I have an iPad that needs to be restored to make it functional. And my in-laws are coming for the weekend and their bed in the guest room needs to be made. I need to clean the bathrooms. The list goes on and on. And this is not unique. This is my daily operating. And that list of things makes me WIRED. I feel tense and anxious and like I need to be constantly DOING. But, I’m also TIRED. Yesterday was my 13 hour day (with one two hour break in there) and I have a headache and my back hurts and I just want to curl up with a TV show and recover. But, I teach in three and a half hours and I volunteer in my DD’s classroom in an hour. And…and…and…
So, yeah, I ‘m both tired and wired. I’m exhausted but anxious. And I feel a little stuck. I do have summer coming in a month. During summer, I am mostly wired. I get bored easily and feel like I NEED to be doing things. But, I also don’t get much done. It is a strange set of circumstances. But, this summer, I plan to be more purposeful in REST and in WORK. So, I’m going to plan times for both. I need to work on a course redesign I got a grant for and I have a few other projects I would like to get done during the summer. But, I also realize that I need to have some DOWN time. When I’m not working on anything. When I can just decompress. Sleep. Relax. Read. Enjoy. If I am not purposeful about that, the summer will be gone and I will still feel just tired and wired. I want to feel rejuvenated and purposeful instead. It isn’t quite as poetic, but it sure would feel better.