Five Reasons I’m Trying Terrafit

If you have been reading this blog for long, you know that I struggle with commitments.  I often start things enthusiastically, only to totally give up on them a few days later.  My fitness and weight loss experience demonstrate this.  I’ve tried Jazzercise.  I went twice but just didn’t feel like it “fit” me.  I tried doing Weight Watchers but it was just all too overwhelming to keep track of the points and figure out the points when I didn’t have them, etc.  I tried to do Beachbody and the meal planning and colored containers was just too much.  I signed up for Flipping Fifty and didn’t even start it, perhaps because I am trying to dismiss my fifty-year landmark.  I have tried online fitness trackers, apps, etc.  Nothing works.  But, I’m not giving up.  I recently stumbled upon a mention of Terrafit on a blog and read up on it and here are five reasons I’m choosing to give it a try:

  1. I get points, but I don’t have to calculate them for every meal.  I love the idea of getting points for doing good (and deleting points for doing bad).  Weight Watchers was fun that way, but I got overwhelmed with having to do each meal, broken into its components to figure out the points.  This one allows me to just give myself points for eating healthy foods and take away points for eating not-so-healthy-foods.  Easy peasy lemon squeezy.  I get points for all sorts of things and they are easy to track.
  2. It uses Doterra Oils and products, but you don’t HAVE to buy them to participate.  I have fallen in love with Doterra Oils, but I don’t want to get a bunch of supplements, shakes, etc.  This program allows me to use some oils, but not necessarily do shakes, etc.  You CAN do them, but you don’t HAVE to do them.  It focuses more on eating and exercising than the products related.
  3. You can win money!  Yeah.  Weight Watchers never offered me that.  In each Terrafit challenge, there is a pot of money that is divided between coach and participants to recognize the top performers (point-wise).  It probably won’t end up being a ton of money, but I bought a whole year for $99 and that allows me to do unlimited challenges.  Usually, they are $25 each.  So, I need to do more than four in a year to get my money back.  I think I can do that.  And, there is the possibility of winning some money back.  It is like playing the lottery, but with healthy food and exercise instead of scratching.
  4. You get a coach.  I need accountability and help and a swift kick in the tush sometimes.  So, getting a personal coach sounds really good.
  5. You get to be on a team.  See #4.  I need all the help I can get!

So, there you have it.  I start my first challenge in two days.  I am the heaviest I have ever been in my life – hovering around 190, sometimes slightly under, sometimes slightly over.  That is a lot of weight on my frame.  I remember when I hit 160 in graduate school and thought I was heavy.  I haven’t grown in height since then, but I have 30 more pounds on me.  It isn’t surprising that I am tired most days, my feet hurt, my back often hurts and I just don’t feel like doing really strenuous exercise.

That has to change.  I want to be active with my daughter and my girl scouts.  I want to do fun things and go on adventures.  I want to feel good, be healthy and set a good example.  So, here goes nothing.  In six weeks, I hope to be lighter in both weight and mood.



I am 50…now what?

As of July 24, 2018, I am officially 50 years old.  It is a milestone.  A pretty big milestone.  I think I entered into it preferring not to think about it.  I don’t want to be old, but here I am.  So, it got me thinking, now what?  I mean, my life isn’t changing at all.  I still have a 9-year-old (I’m old to be a 9-year old’s mom).  I will still have a job and a half in the Fall (I’m old to be working two plus jobs).  I will still be traveling for work regularly (I’m old enough that I should be traveling for fun, not work).  I will still be trying to figure out a somewhat messy financial situation (I’m too old to not have this figured out).  So, basically, I feel like I’ve been pretty poor at adulting to this point in my life.  I mean, I’ve dealt with some pretty hefty adult situations in the last decade – a seriously ill child, two seriously ill parents, losing both parents.  So, it isn’t that I haven’t had to be an adult.  But, without an emergency situation, I’m pretty bad at adulting.

So, my goal for this first year of my fifth decade (that sounds so much better) is to get better at all aspects of adulting, even when there is not an urgent situation that drives the adulting.  This is something that most people seem to be able to grasp in their 20s.  Even late bloomers get it in their 30s.  But, not me.  I’m late to every party.  I was late finishing college.  I was late in finding a career.  I was late having a child.  I was late buying a house.  Late.  Always late. But, as the saying goes, better late than never.

You'realwayswith me

So, what exactly does this mean to me?  After all, “adulting” is a term used mostly by millennials (we have Adulting Workshops at both my colleges) and I am decades away from being a millennial.  But, according to Oxford Dictionaries, it means, “The practice of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult, especially the accomplishment of mundane but necessary tasks.”  And, as I said above, this is my major weakness.  In times of emergency or urgent need, I can perform as an adult and take care of business.  But, I am not very good at accomplishing all the mundane but necessary tasks that come along with being a responsible adult.  I procrastinate.  I ignore.  I forget.  I simply let things go.  This is what I need to overcome.  I need to practice behaving like a responsible adult.  I need to accomplish mundane but necessary tasks on a daily, weekly, monthly and yearly basis.  If I could actually do that, my life would take a turn for the better.  The way better.

So, this is my public notice.  My request for accountability.  My declaration of commitment.  This is not my first and probably won’t be my last.  But, I think I’ve finally figured out why other “changes” I’ve tried to make in the past didn’t work.  It is because, like a child who lacks focus and attention on an arts and craft project, I have simply started a project without any understanding that at some point, that project would become mundane.  There would be no urgent need to complete the project.  Other things would arise that would take my attention away from that original project and would seem more fun, more interesting, more necessary.  And, as a result, I would drop that original project and move to something else.  And that would happen over and over and over again.  My need is not for “change” but for staying the course.

I realize that the word adulting is not without its critics.  The word has been accused of being “gross and sexist”  as well as overused and fake and an indict of our entire societal framework.  But, I’m going to use it anyways, because I am not a millennial.  I am not degrading myself by using it.  I am not claiming to “adult” because I cook a single dinner and I am not a product of the society that produced 20-somethings. I am seriously struggling with consistent, responsible, productive behavior and if I think that focusing on “adulting” for a year will help with that, I’m going to do it.  I’m going to do it at 50!  So, apologies to the haters of the word “adulting.”  But, no apologies for my need to recognize my weaknesses and find a way to overcome them.  And, for today anyway, this is a way!

So, watch this blog to follow along with my adulting attempts in the first year of my fifth decade.

Health and Caregiving

Where does a child’s anxiety end and a mother’s anxiety begin?

I have never considered myself to be an anxious person.  I’ve always been able to get through things relatively unscathed emotionally.  My daughter’s illness changed all that.  My parents’ illnesses also changed all that.  Now, I feel like I have a certain level of anxiety most of the time.  But, that anxiety is nothing compared to what my relatively tiny 9-year-old holds in her heart on an almost daily basis.

Actually, that may be an overstatement.  Maybe it isn’t an almost daily basis.  Maybe it isn’t even that often but every occurrence seems like a huge ordeal for me.  Or maybe sometimes her being upset about going somewhere or doing something isn’t anxiety but just plain old moodiness or tiredness or too much sugarness.  I don’t really know anymore, but I feel like I should know.  I feel like everytime something happens that could be related to anxiety, I should be doing something about it, making sure that she does not become a statistic.  She has been through so much already.  She doesn’t need to be feeling like she is not on her own side in life.  But, she is 9 years old.  So, how do I talk to her about it without making it something else that gives her anxiety?!?  Please, someone tell me.  Because at this point, I’m a little lost.

My daughter has been exceptional.  She survived an infant heart transplant, severe sleep apnea as a baby which led to a tonsillectomy/adenoidectomy, then a bump during a heart biopsy leaves her with a severely leaking tricuspid valve that requires her chest to be drained of fluid that had backed up and then several bouts of pneumonia and then an attempted repair that failed and probably led to her needing a pacemaker for irregular heartbeat.  She has quarterly cardiac clinic appointments where she has to get poked for blood, examined with gel and a probing device on her chest and abdomen.  So, to my rational mind, after all of that, what could possibly be scary?  What could possibly make you feel threatened?  Well, it seems that it is a lot of things.  Places where she doesn’t know anyone.  Places where she does know someone but for some reason feels like she doesn’t belong.  Math.  Sports that take place on a team.  Someone being late to pick her up from school.  Any change in classes and teachers.  Staying overnight, even with family and friends, without us there.  Sleeping in her own bed up until about six months ago.  Going to bed without someone going with her, even now.

So, what do I do?  I want to “fix” it, but I know that isn’t possible.  I am not a mental health professional.  And anxiety never really gets “fixed” it just is something people learn to deal with in a healthy way.  But, I don’t want to put some other thing on her to be “dealt” with like her chronic condition of being a heart transplant recipient and having a leaky valve and having a pacemaker.  She has to deal with so, damned much.  I just don’t want her to deal with this.  And maybe in some small way (or a large way), I don’t want to have to deal with this.  It is yet another thing on the long list of things to be “concerned” about, to be “aware” of, to know how to properly “deal with” to be sure it is not something we make harder on her in the future.  It is a lot.  For her.  For me.  For us.

I don’t know the answer to the question in the title of this blog post.  I don’t know what is her anxiety and what is my anxiety about her anxiety.  I may never know the answer to the question.  The best I can do is my best.  That is the best I can do in any situation.



Telling More Stories Beyond Forty

Hello everyone.  It has been a long, long while since I’ve been on this particular blog.  Once again, I got caught up in “new” and “better” and “starting over with a clean slate” and I lost myself in it all.  Because we are never really new and we never really have a clean slate.  It is a nice thought at first, but it quickly becomes overwhelming to realize that it would mean you lose your history.  Basically, you would have to lose your SELF in order to be really new or to really start over with a totally clean slate.  And that, my friends, just isn’t worth it.  No matter how much “better” it may be.  So, I’m back to my messy, somewhat chaotic blog and my messy, really chaotic life.  And that is okay.  I have my SELF here and I can make improvements, but not totally let go of all that I’ve done.

As I quickly approach the 50th year mark (July 24th folks), I thought that maybe the More at Forty idea I signed up for five years ago was not going to work anymore.  But, you know what?  I can tell more stories and they can be for forty plus!  The specifics of our ages don’t matter so much as the stories we tell and those can cross age ranges quite frequently.  Am I truly MORE than I was five years ago when I started this blog?  I’m not sure.  But, I do have many, many, many MORE stories I can tell.  And there will still be MORE stories to come.  So, that is my focus – telling more stories – past, present and future ones.  My stories as well as those around me (when appropriate).

Welcome back to those who rejoined me after my long hiatus.  I hope to see you on a regular basis and I hope you will enjoy the stories I tell and share your own as well.