Five Minute Friday

Five Minute Friday – More

I am joining Five Minute Friday a little late this week. But, better late than never, I suppose. This week’s prompt is “more”. Pretty fitting for my blog’s title, “More at Forty”. But, as you will see, maybe I chose a blog title poorly for my current condition. Here goes…

Just seeing the word “more” kind of puts me in a state of panic nowadays. I’m not sure when it suddenly became stressful to think of “more” of almost anything, but that is where I am at right now. I can’t possibly deal with any “more”. I am buried in “more”. I have “more” on my to-do list than I can do and I have “more” in my house than I can take care of and I have “more” on my wish-list than I can achieve. More is starting to feel like a burden I carry around in a bag that is overflowing and I’m constantly losing things (focus, peace, prayer, calm, etc.) because everything can’t fit in that bag.

So, the question at this point, is what do I possibly get rid of out of this overflowing bag? How do I pack it in a way that what is at risk of falling out is the least valuable (instead of what is the most valuable as it often goes)? Prioritization is the key, but I feel like I need to dump the whole bag out in order to do that and it scares me to see what is down there at the bottom of the bag that I’ve forgotten. I’m afraid of finding things like lost opportunities and disappointments and even long lost joys that aren’t returning. I’m carrying around those things, thinking I will get to them, revisit them, but really they’re just weighing me down because I can’t possibly reach them with all the stuff on top of them.

I don’t have an answer for this problem. I only have fear and dread and stress. I know what I need to do, but I am afraid of doing it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Should I take out one thing at a time or should I dump it all out and start fresh? Can I possibly reach down to the bottom without clearing it all out and find somewhere to start? I just don’t know…

Life Updates

Inspired…and Fired Up…

I read a post earlier today over at Recipe in a Bottle that has inspired me to come back to this blog.  I keep starting things and not following through on them.  I don’t want this blog to be another one of those things.  So, I’m back.  I’m still in my forties and still wanting more.  I am also still failing on a daily basis.  But, I can still work towards it.

I’ve accomplished some good things this year.  I’ve taken on some new projects that I am really enjoying.  A course redesign that not only brought in some extra income but has also renewed my enthusiasm for teaching.  I took on the troop leader role for my DD’s brownie troop and have been exhausted by it, but in a good way (usually).  I have realized a few things that I want for myself and am willing to work towards.  I’m still a financial disaster for the most part, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel, with credit scores improving, an inheritance that should be finally dealt with in the next six months or so and a pretty significant raise as well as the prospects of selling our place without taking a huge hit (we will lose a lot, but will not be cash short in the sale).  Overall, things are looking up, if not immediately, at least in the near(ish) future.  My hopes are to pay off most of our debt and be able to live within our means from here on out.  There is no reason we should not be able to do it.  It is just a matter of getting our footing before trying to climb up.  At least that is what I think.

I have also realized that I am not doing nearly enough of what I WANT to be doing in life.  So, I’m really trying to figure out how to make that happen.  I’ve realized a few things about myself in the past few months.  Coming as a surprise to me, I think I am an introvert.  It seems strange because I do speech and debate and I like to talk to people.  But, I’m also exhausted by it.  Teaching is one of my favorite things to do, but it also is exhausting because it requires a lot of dealing with people.  But, I love what I do, I just need to realize that I need the quiet time alone as well.  I am never going to be one who really loves to go out with a bunch of people all the time.  I like watching TV and reading. And that is okay.  I spend time with people for much of my life because of what I do professionally, so I don’t necessarily need it personally.  I mean, I have a small group of friends that I get together with every once in a while and that is good for me.  I have realized that.

I have also come to the conclusion that I need to clear house.  This is not a new realization. I have known for some time and I’ve been gradually clearing things out here and there, but I want to get more serious about it.  I feel like there are constant piles piling up…everywhere.  And even though I’ve unloaded a bunch of stuff, I feel like there is so much more stuff to go.  I want my house to be pretty, but simple.  I want to own the things I use on a regular basis and that is it.

So, there you go.  2016 is coming to a close.  I’m ready to continue the changes I’ve made and I’m ready to keep writing on this blog.  I hope you’ll all be good with that!  Thanks to anyone who is still reading after all my silent weeks…