Tuesday Truth

Tuesday Truth…Embracing the Fun in Year 48

I can’t believe that I will be THIS old in one week:

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Yeah…I won’t be THAT old, but you know what I mean.  I used to think 48 was ancient.  Now it seems like just another year.  Trying to make every year the best year ever is getting exhausting.  So, I’m just going to try to make this year a good one.  Simple. Some things I want more of:  reading, time outside, travel,exercise, and fun.  I have not really been having as much fun in my life as I would like to.  I need to let loose.  I find myself constantly on guard.  I really can’t explain why.  And sometimes it isn’t even conscious.  I want to let that go.  So, I’m hoping to make year 48 my year of “letting loose”.  After all, if you can’t let loose at age 48, when can you let loose?  And letting loose will not include a bunch of “goals” and “plans” and such.  That isn’t very loose is it?

Now, I’m not going crazy and quitting my jobs or anything, so I still need my planner.  And I still have a 7 year old, so there is school and activities, etc.  But, I don’t need to feel tied to my laptop and constantly playing catch up.  It will take some “planning” to make it work, but it doesn’t have to be a list of action items that I check off as the year goes by or specific goals that I end up giving up on and then being upset about my “failure”.   The major requirement is getting off my couch and out of my comfort zone.  There are a ton of opportunities for fun, but I choose to skip a lot of them for some unknown reason.  So, this year, I will embrace the fun!

I think that as we get older, we sometimes lose our capacity for joy.  We let things get in the way of us experiencing joy when and where we could.  We have so much baggage that has built up over time that we have problems setting it down so we can enjoy the fun.  If we’re weighed down with problems and past wrongs and frustrations and all those bags are so heavy, we can’t focus on enjoying ourselves.  So, maybe the key is to set our bags down at the door and take a load off!  That will be what I try to do at each and every opportunity this year – set my baggage down, no matter how difficult it is to pile up at the door and let go of it all!  Because taking that load off will allow me to loosen up and enjoy myself.  And who knows, maybe I will find a way to leave some of it behind at each occasion.  A small package here, a piece of baggage there and I will feel less weighed down all the time!

So, here is to my year 48!  The year of embracing the fun, letting go of the baggage and doing the things I want to do while still getting done the things I need to do.

 

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New Direction…

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Okay.  I feel like I make these statements all the time and I don’t have a lot of follow through.  I realize that anyone who has read this blog for very long has heard this story before and is probably wondering “wait, didn’t she just do this a month or so ago?”  The answer is yes.  Anyone else out there like that?  You talk the talk, but find it hard to walk the walk sometimes?  Yeah, that’s me.  I dream big and live small.  I just find myself lacking real…dedication, I guess I would call it.  I think I also lack…direction.  So, maybe this isn’t a “new” direction, but just me starting to follow a direction.  That, in itself, is a new direction for me though.

So, why now?  Why today?  Well, I’ve been really considering my life for the past few months and as I’ve written a little about on here, I find myself really frustrated with parts of my life (finances, stress levels, energy levels, ability to keep up with things) but also pretty satisfied with other parts (my job(s) is/are pretty good for the most part, I feel like I’m getting this parenting thing down pretty well).  But, I often feel like I am not leading life with any sort of purpose.  The “Focus on Seven” project was a bit too much.  I don’t have the energy or time or ability to multitask that it takes to focus on seven things in my life at once.  It was just too much, all at once, and with no real solid goals.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I am a self-help junkie.  I’ve tried them all at one point.  The amount of money I’ve invested in self-help literature and online programs and mobile programs and apps and such could probably get close to paying off my mortgage.  Seriously, folks, use the library.  Take my word for it.  Owning the book is not necessary.  You will NOT refer back to it in the future (and if you need to, just check it out again).  Don’t pay for that app thinking that the fact that it isn’t free is going to make you more likely to use it (anyone with me here?).  It is just going to make you more guilt ridden when you don’t use it.  Anyways, all has failed me.  And I don’t think I’m a failure.  I just think that I need something else.  I need a system that doesn’t seem like a system.  Systems make me want to buck them.  I need a calling.  I need an obsession.  I need to be driven.  So, I need to stop with the talk about routines and systems and such.  And I need to figure out what my passion and desire is and then figure out how to make that happen.

So, two things:  Passion.  Desire.  And beyond that, its just action.  Simple.  To the point.  No excuses.  No revising the system.  No “starting over”.  My passions are few.  I love to read and write.  I love to KNOW things, or at least know something about them.  I am a Jack of many Trades and I like seeking out new knowledge and sharing that with others who need/want that knowledge.  That is why I teach.  There aren’t many jobs out there for people who like to seek knowledge and share it with others, but coaching Speech and Debate is a pretty good one.  And teaching college is also a pretty good one.  Especially the subjects I teach.  So, basically, my job is perfect for what I have a passion to do.  I need to embrace that.

Desire is a little more complicated.  I desire some order in my life.  I do well when things are organized, decluttered and planned at least a bit.  But, when I try to implement “routines” they always fail.  So, I think I need to change that to “simplifies”.  I need “simplifies” in my life.  Things that simplify my home tasks, work tasks and family responsibilities.  If I focus on them being sources of simplifying, it will be more positive for me.  Decluttering is simplifying.  Planning ahead is simplifying.  These are all good things.  So, my focus is going to be on implementing “simplifies” this summer.  It will be my “Summer of Simplifying”.  It already sounds more relaxing and positive than “routines”…or to-do lists…

We’ll see if this makes things happen.

Oh, I’m also going to get back to being me.  Tonight, for example, I’m drinking some wine, having friends over and enjoying myself instead of feeling stressed out and anxious about what people are going to think of my house, our food, me, my clothes (which, by the way, I think looks kind of good.  I got a new shirt at the thrift store today that is pink, cute and stylie), etc.  I’m going with it.  I mean, I cleaned the house up and my hubby is BBQing, which is always good, but I enjoyed wine and mom’s club people at the wine bar a few weeks ago and I look forward to enjoying wine and work friends tonight.  I want to get back to enjoying my life.

Passion, Desire and Joy.  Summer 2014!